1. |
Reflex
03:19
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i will never know how much I truly hurt you
but I know how much I wish I could
and could go back in time and erase my past mistakes
and change your lives for the better, but I can’t
when sorry starts sounding less like an apology and starts sounding more like a reflex
goddamn these social constructs that keep us tethered
to our genders placed at birth
and the never-ending ever changing fear of ourselves
at least we’re not in hell
but we might as well be
when sorry starts sounding less like an apology
and starts sounding more like a reflex
at least we’re not in hell
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2. |
My Omelas
03:09
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haven’t had the time
to get rid of all this slime
that’s been dripping from
my mouth, my ears, my eyes, my pores, and my nose
when you get rid of your trash
and toss it in your neighbor’s yard
tell me who does that help in the end?
another community scarred
so i’ll blade by the graves and the game saves
slip into the societal nether that’s been taken over by the new millennial wave
a history of repetition, rejection, disassociation with mental illness and feeling gay
it’s tough when you don’t know the rules so you can either take the bus or drive your shitty car to school
you’re ten feet away, and I can’t even ask if you’re doing okay
we’re not as dirty as we think
but we’re not as clean as you
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3. |
DNA Scam
02:35
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take my DNA
take my DNA and wrap it up okay
give it to my dad and make him a new kid again
happy birthday
raise me in a cage
and keep me from your rage
leave the walls untouched
away from your fists and your lungs
i forgive him
cycles expand leaving the wounds you never had
generational says that everyone in the world can pick at
reinvent yourself before the person you were gets out of hand
do i have worth if i am unable to be exploitated as a brand?
if you’re having a bad relationship with yourself then you won’t have a good one with anyone else
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4. |
Human
03:48
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i just try to breath and believe that i’m just being naive
when i’m feeling down
i try to blend in, give a shit, but i’m just hyperaware
of the corporate society
i dress to impress or perhaps it’s just to seem less
seem less threatening
and wheres the community mentality behind all the fear and the skinned up knees, if you know what i mean
because we’re our own abusers
but we are still humans first
we’re our own abusers
but we are still humans first
i know the mistakes that i made and i’m doing my best to change and stay away from the me that i hate
please don’t let me drown please don’t let me
if we keep hurting each other we’ll never be safe
safe the hate for the systems that keep us asleep and keep themselves in power
we could get better by putting in effort to understand perspectives
or we can keep rolling around in our pain but that won’t make us feel any better, because we’re still hating ourselves
conditioned to rely on others to make us feel whole
positioned to repeat the failures of our forefathers
the weight on my chest is familiar at best
and it’s just another test
the universe is unforgiving and a dick
so we’ll do our best to live
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5. |
Vermont
03:42
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I wanna move to vermont, where i don’t know anyone
stick my head in the sand
and wait for the planet to explode or take me instead
we’ll i gotta say i’d rather be dead
excommunication with no relationship of command
crawl in your hole and stay there
don’t you know that growth is bad behavior?
running back and forth without a savior
99% of life is uncomfortable
but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel
i wanna move to japan
and maybe i’ll understand
what to do with my life
or maybe i’ll stay in the pa on the edge of a knife
I wanna move to vermont
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6. |
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when did apologist become synonymous with someone who supports rehabilitation?
we’re just too afraid of losing our reputation
we’re just afraid of our own social degradation
and believe me it’s scary
when did neutrality take the place of responsibility
for fixing your broken stairs but instead you just get rid of them
comparing our pain like pissing contests
when in reality everyone’s experiences
are unique and valid
i don’t wanna hate and i don’t want revenge
i just wanna help the people who haven’t started yet
‘cause if you do it yourself then you’ll do yourself in
where’s the community mentality behind all the fear
and the skinned up knees if you know what i mean
‘cause if there’s no constructive dialogue then i don’t really care about it
we are the system and we are it’s victims
we are the system and we are it’s victims
we are the system and we are it’s victims
fuck all the systems i don’t think we’ll miss them
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7. |
Queer Recovery Club
05:33
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toxic masculinity’s been killing’ me for far too long
not an excuse but it’s been used to hurt the people that i love with the things that i’ve done wrong
if only my skin were thicker
and if only my balls were bigger
and if only i wasn’t such a goddamn pussy
then maybe i’d be doin’ better
probably not
you can take what’s in my pants, i don’t want it
you can take what’s in my head, i don’t want it
is my body a temple? or is it a weapon? or is it a workshop? or is it a garden to grown in and fight through the weeds and the spider mites that keep me from flourishing?
power, control, and manipulation are the basis of our gendered education
there’s a difference between having power over someone and feeling empowered and the former scares the shit out of me
emasculate me
no matter the gender we have to remember, theres so much to unlearn
no matter the gender you have to remember, theres so much to unlearn
and it’s not pretty
bang bang bang, does a boy become a man? or is he just another cog in the man-made machine?
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8. |
Cyber Corrupt
03:00
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cyber corrupt, dead out of luck again
cyber corrupt, waiting for zuck to pull the plug on us
‘cause if you don’t reply in 30 seconds or less
then i’ll get worried that you’re dead or dying or just plain upset
because the world relies on an emotionless form of communication just a nation of misunderstanding each other’s words
behind a screen is the only scene we’ll be a part of
false sense of security and a lack of open honesty
the things that you wish you could say
but you’re too afraid of the back lash and the like smashes on the feedback of the ones with social capital
we’re the fascists we’re fighting
cyber corrupt, hurry the fuck up and pull the plug
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9. |
Pwr Outage
03:07
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you fed us to the lions
and you fought back so many tears
we were “heroes” and now we are “martyrs”
on a path to either healing or death
why do we choose to glorify the craftsman as if they’re better than you?
why can’t we just appreciate what we enjoy without the clout and namedropping game?
can you still have a fear of heights from the top of a pedestal?
or are you scared of the hands that put you there?
the disenfranchised kneel every time we go virtual
when do we cross the line between advocacy and taking advantage of what we are good at?
charming, witty, friendly, down to earth
and when the crown hits the ground you’ll reach out and grab it and place it on the head of another
i can’t hear you
must be the anxiety blues
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10. |
Big Brother
04:14
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my big brother has a heart of stone
from being alone for long
and though i cannot feel his pain
i think of him every day
take us back to our times of old
when we were just laughing’ from cracking’ jokes and packing’ bowls all day
my little brother has a heart of fear
from struggling all through the years
‘cause dad is gone and mom is holding’ on
but i know that he’s strong
‘cause he’s one of the ones who taught me how to love
and has made me who i am
so just shut up and come over and watch cartoons with
‘cause i don’t think that i can take much more of this lack of simplicity
and whether we’ll meet again in this life or the next
i’ll be waiting for you with a blunt and a blank check
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11. |
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second thin layered blankets
doin’ their best to pretend they’re your friends
empty bottles, buses, and a lack of rationality
waiting for your intake to end
but it’s okay, little mango, you can sleep now
you’ve been hogging life for nearly 25 years
you died on a farm in the dead of march’s winter
that’s when i woke up, picked up the baggage and left
this is where i will begin
oh cleo, please don’t go
oh cleo, you’re the most radiant bean that i’ve had the privilege to know
‘cause i came in with hope and i left with a smoking habit
yeah i came in with hope and I left with a smoking habit
i came in with hope and left with a smoking habit
i came in with hope and I left with a smoking habit
i came in with hope
(i came in with hope)
i came in with hope
(and i still have that hope)
i came in with hope
(and i still have that hope)
yeah i still have that hope and i still have a smoking habit
oh cleo, please don’t go
i know that you’re laying’ in fields and your legs are working agin
and i hope you’re finally happy
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12. |
Allostatic Load
04:33
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waking up sweating and sobbing not knowing who i am
for a second or two
visited all through the night by the ghosts of my dead friends
or at least dead to me
vulnerability, death to humanity
rollin’ around in the tears dripping’ down from the loved ones that i’ve hurt
and accountability, what does that really mean
when you have grown and you know all the things you did wrong
we’ve gotta do better than putting’ in effort
we’ve gotta unlearn all our faults
because hate is exhausting when we could be fostering
nurturing love for each other
because we get hurt to help others
and we hurt others to get help
we fail better the more we heal
and we heal faster the more we fail
my skull and the side of the janitor’s door are becoming close friends lately
because if i lose a tooth does it count as abuse if the punches came from me
so i’ll do my best just to stay off of trestle
it feels like there’s much more to be
and if i’m an abuser, then i’m still a human first
or at least that’s what my higher self makes me believe
when sorry starts sounding less like an apology
and starts sounding more like a reflex
then we’ve got a lot of work left to do.
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fail better, heal faster Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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